The world of sports is filled with a myriad of colorful names.  Some names certainly fit while others belong in the cellar with all those jars of jam your wife makes this time of year (what?  Your wife doesn’t make jam?).  This happens to be my list of names that fit, names that don’t, names that hit and names that miss.  Check it out and see if you agree.  

Baseball

Mickey Mantle/Mickey Stanley – The name Mickey seems synonymous with baseball and though we don’t see many Mickey’s anymore, this name is baseball.  Can you imagine a Federov swinging a bat instead of a hockey stick?

Anything Spanish – It’s no secret that some of our best baseball players come from Spanish speaking countries and I couldn’t imagine the game without a ‘Hernandez’ or ‘Gonzalez’ gracing the diamond.

Montreal Expos – I think this team was originally named after the world fair (expo) back in the day.  If not, well, then I have no idea what an Expo is.  It’s a moot point now that they live under the name of the Nationals in DC though I still miss that colorful logo.

Washington Nationals – Wasn’t there a time when these guys were the Washington Senators?  I liked that name a whole lot better, especially when guys like Boog Powell were playing (by the way, Boog is another great baseball name.  Where else would you find a Boog but in baseball?)  

The Big Unit – Umm, why is Randy Johnson called the Big Unit?  I really want to know.  On second thought, maybe I don’t.  Some things are just better left unsaid.

The “California/Anaheim/Los Angeles Angels at Anaheim” Angels – OK who, besides me, thinks this little naming game has gone too far?  Are the LA people mad because they don’t have a football team anymore or are they just trying to keep up with the New York “Joneses?”  I’m no owner nor am I a California resident but I think they should have stuck with the California Angels.  What would have been so wrong with leaving things well enough alone?   
 
Football

Arizona Cardinals – Has anyone ever really seen a cardinal in Arizona?  I realize it’s just a name but geez, don’t you think it should make sense?

Pittsburg Steelers – This is a name that just oozes toughness, don’t you think?  

Kimo von Oelhoffen – This name is just fun to say.  Go ahead, say it again.

TJ Houshmandzadeh – I’m sure that if I could figure out how to pronounce this name it might be fun to say, too.

Oakland Raiders -- I got used to them when they were the LA Raiders but I like them better now that they’re back in Oakland.  Too bad Al Davis is still at the helm.  Maybe the Lions could lure him to Motown to replace Matt Millen and the Ford’s.   

Houston Texans – I’m sorry, this name is pathetic.  The Oilers (pre-Titans) was a much better name and it at least showed that someone put some thought into the name.  Total originality points:  zero.
 
Hockey

Los Angeles Mighty Ducks – Speaking of California, what’s this name all about?  Exactly why does a city that seems to live and breath Hollywood name a pro hockey team after a movie?   Oh yeah, that’s why.  Still, the only thing about a duck being mighty is when it’s sitting on my dinner table at Christmas.  (Footnote:  They’re now just “The Ducks,” but it really doesn’t change things, does it.)

Sergei Federov – A classic hockey name if I’ve ever heard one.  Just like baseball and Spanish names, a Russian name and hockey just goes together like duck and orange sauce (the pun was intentional, thank you for noticing).  

Minnesota North Stars – Whatever happened to this name?  I kinda liked it.  True, it didn’t really fit but neither does the Wild.  

Columbus Blue Jackets – At what point in time did Columbus get big enough to host a pro hockey team?  Hmm?  And the Blue Jackets?  I don’t even know where this comes from.  Maybe it’s because most of the nation’s banks are based there and most of the bankers wear (dark) blue suits, I’m not sure.

Basketball

Memphis Grizzlies – When I think of Memphis, I think of two things, The Grand Ole Opry and Elvis.  I suppose they could have named this team the Memphis Country Hicks or the Memphis Elvis’s but that might have sounded like we’re padding someone’s pocket.  Hey, isn’t that what basketball is about anyway?  Go Elvis’s!  

Slava Medvedenko  -- Does this guy play for the (Mighty) Ducks in the off-season?  

Washington Wizards – I know, it’s much more politically correct to call them the Wizards than the Bullets but I have yet to see any wizardry come from DC (in any form) and at least the Bullets were flying consistently (the team, not the town).

Carl “The Mailman” Malone – Some say he has this name because he “delivers” but I think it should be more like Carl “The Fedex Guy” Malone.  When was the last time you used the Postal Service to deliver anything reliably? 

Well, that’s my list though I’m sure I missed a lot of other fun names.   Someday, when I’ve made my Favre (it’s pronounced FARV, by the way) millions, I won’t care what is in a name anymore.  Until that time however, I am happy to point out for you some of sport’s little name oddities and in the process, I’ll anxiously be awaiting The Mailman’s delivery of my Mighty Duck.

About the author:

Jim has been a freelance writer for over ten years and has published both fiction and nonfiction for various publications. In his spare time, Jim coaches his son, plays dolls with his daughter, and somehow manages time to work on four different books, all in various stages of completion. His favorite place on earth is Hawaii and someday hopes to be writing his next novel from the comfort of his palm tree-shaded hammock on Maui. He has two websites, http://identcc.blogspot.com as his personal writing site, and http://www.hot-psychology.com where he is the Editor-in-Chief.