It’s a tale as old as silent pictures: females simply wear out faster than men. One of the opening lines in The First Wives Club (1996) sums it up nicely: “There are only three ages for women in Hollywood: Babe—District Attorney—and Driving Miss Daisy.”

Eventually the roles being offered dwindle, or collide so violently with personal vanity they are turned down flat. The result is often a career stall, big time. That is why it is such a pleasure to see three “old pros” cast to perfection, and joyfully playing their parts to the hilt for 102 hilarious minutes.

The plot is straightforward enough. Once upon a time four college chums promised to remain friends forever. A quarter century later they’ve long since lost touch. And recently each has been tossed aside by a husband on the prowl for a newer model.

The filthy rich but very unstable Cynthia (Stockard Channing) cannot endure it when her humiliation becomes front page news and she leaps from her Upper East Side Manhattan penthouse. Reunited by tragedy and well-oiled by booze, Annie (Diane Keaton), Brenda (Bette Midler) and Elise (Goldie Hawn) spill their guts over a liquid lunch—only to discover they also share a similar gloomy story. Adding salt to freshly opened wounds, they are also forced to admit that all the money, power and social status their “exes” currently enjoy exists because of themselves—and they are nothing more than “discards” in a game of matrimonial gin rummy.

Suddenly a freaky thing happens: a letter arrives from the deceased Cynthia which so rattles them they gather to make a solemn pledge. It is time for a reckoning. With the toss of wedding rings into a flute of ice cold champagne, The First Wives Club is born. A narrator tells us: “On November 28th at exactly 1400 hours, Operation Hell’s Fury swung into action.” Witnessing this scene you want to applaud until your palms sting.

Annie, Brenda and Elise are ably assisted in this revenge fantasy by Gunilla Garson Goldberg (Maggie Smith), Queen of New York Society, who dispenses life observations like Burger King does French fries. “So remember this: all men hate all women. There are no exceptions. Of course all women hate all men back. This is the basis for civilization as we know it.” Great stuff!

“Your house is your calling card. It has to be perfected, photographed, published,” Gunilla advises Shelley (Sarah Jessica Parker, pre-Sex and the City fame), an adolescent nitwit with her hooks now deep into both Brenda’s husband and bankroll. In this way they dangle the bait and then set her up to spend a small fortune at Christie’s, with the result that he now begins financing his own destruction. When it comes to nasty these gals are good.

Décor plays a key role as the plot unravels. (It is important to note it did in the book as well, so the film is faithful to the author’s vision—a pleasingly rare occurrence.) Their homes disclose a lot.

Annie’s house is spectacular inside, simply reeking of old money. This is a woman of impeccable taste, except in husbands. Her kitchen is cream colored with striking black accents, from counter tops to the TV, drawer knobs to wrought iron handles on glass-fronted cabinets—even the criss-cross pattern in the antiqued windows. The stainless steel appliances would satisfy a professional chef. There’s a treasure of an oversized wall clock that matches her punctilious personality perfectly. An impeccably restored table looks ancient enough that Alexander Hamilton or Aaron Burr might have breakfasted at it while passing through New York on a young nation’s business.

The stairway is carpeted in deep salmon to contrast with stark white risers. At its foot there is a hot yellow wall. On it hangs a mixture of modern art and old oil paintings. Just for fun there’s a 1960s-style paisley couch with lots of throw cushions. The window behind is beautiful blue tinted glass and the fireplace around the corner is big and white and inviting. If you have ever considered painting a wall red, be sure to stab the pause button when you get to Annie’s bedroom. It’s a spectacular shade, warm and dramatic at the same time, nicely offsetting her mahogany bed.

Brenda is the least showy of the group and, not coincidentally, has the most utilitarian of homes. When Elise enters it for the first time, stepping past the son’s bicycle, she comments: “Oh God, I’ve never been in your apartment before. It looks so real.” Bang on. She has a little bit of everything, in styles and colors; but it’s in quite good taste in a thrown together kind of way. All the walls are white. The kitchen has pine cabinetry. Her living room contains a rainbow colored sofa next to a brown leather chair with a naugahyde ottoman. There are both brown and red bookcases—and the 1950s fireplace has a gold genie’s bottle above the hearth. The floors throughout are parquet, dressed with the occasional soft brown rug. Her small bedroom is down-to-earth, all oak with a quilt spread. It all looks like it was acquired from a number of chain store sales over a period of years; but with great care.

How about Elise? It’s pretty much what you might expect from a self-absorbed movie star: something to see. There’s a disturbing and dated zebra striped couch, gray leather chairs, bold yellow walls with plenty of black and white enlargements. Mostly of guess who? Combine this with antique mirrors, modern art, plenty of potted plants, and a burl oak dining room table with black lacquered chairs that might have once been at Pickfair. The kitchen is pretty impressive: soft purplish cabinets, pure white counters, blinds manufactured in different shades of 5th Ave. Cadillac gray and huge chrome key photos of Marilynn Monroe and Tallulah Bankhead. In short, it is a fitting place indeed for show biz royalty.

You’ll also visit several fashionable restaurants and clubs, a breezy new loft and 2-storey condo, and wander through some pretty unusual offices in present-day (circa 1996) New York. And when Elise goes out to drown her sorrows, it is to a bar that will have reformed drinkers wet-eyed with nostalgia. (Alcoholics beware: this scene is enough to make one rush out to the nearest saloon with a pocketful of cash.)

The movie is terrific fun and the characters have more than enough depth to carry the plot. Although not nearly as dark in its depiction of the husbands as the novel (a decision made by the producers to ensure the largest possible audience) it pays respectful enough homage to the original work.

And in the closing scene where the three stars sing Lesley Gore’s 1960s hit “You Don’t Own Me,” you will have to agree, in Hollywood Diane Keaton’s legs are still unsurpassed. Now that’s decoration!

Copyright © 2006 by Michael Orr

About the author:

Michael has written numerous short subject films and documentaries, been a speechwriter and a journalist. He fell in love with movies as a youngster and continues to publish essays about American cinema. A special interest is the late 1920s when "silents, talkies, and radio all violently collide resulting in a cinematic cosmic big bang"—the focus of his recently completed novel, Hollywood’s A Scary Place! to be released soon by a British publisher. He makes his home in Toronto. He also "doctors" other people’s work and ghostwrites on occasion when the assignment is of interest. You may contact him at This email address is being protected from spam bots, you need Javascript enabled to view it .

Hollywood Popcorn:

Did You Know… ?

About The Book

1. Olivia Goldsmith (born Randy Goldfield) published her debut novel, The First Wives Club, in 1992, and wrote several more "wonderful, celebratory satires" before her death from complications with anesthesia during surgery on January 16, 2004, at age 54. Her "distinctive edgy, fiction" had found a wide audience. She understood the world of New York glitz and money, the people who fuelled it, had a great ear for dialogue, and a terrific eye for décor—descriptions of which are liberally sprinkled throughout the novel.

Diane Keaton
1. Considered Hollywood’s most accomplished film comedienne since Carole Lombard and Katharine Hepburn, Diane Keaton was born in Los Angeles on January 5, 1946. Moving to New York in 1968, she auditioned for an Off-Broadway rock musical and got the part. Six months later she’d become the lead in Hair—despite the fact she refused to remove any of her clothing.

2. Wisely she took advantage of the experience, the publicity, and the money. Not wanting to be identified as simply another "pseudo-hippy actress," Diane went after an altogether different type of part. Play It Again, Sam—written by and starring newcomer Woody Allen—would feature her in both the stage and film version. Older by eleven years, Allen was to become lover, mentor, and life-long friend. Keaton’s fourth film for him was Annie Hall and it made her an international celebrity. She wasn’t just "Woody’s girl" any more. Diane was very much her own person, winning an Oscar, Golden Globe, New York Film Critics, and National Film Critics Awards for Best Actress of 1976.

3. Diane Keaton lives in the Hollywood Hills in a house designed by Lloyd Wright (son of Frank Lloyd Wright), once owned by silent screen star Ramon Novarro (The Prisoner of Zenda (1922) and Ben Hur (1926). She spent three years renovating it, perhaps to calm the ghost of Novarro who was murdered there on October 30, 1968. Diane Keaton has been nominated four times for an Academy Award, and recently won her second as Best Actress for 2003’s Something Gotta Give which co-starred old friend Jack Nicholson.

Bette Midler
1. Bette Midler was born on December 1, 1945 in downtown Honolulu. Her mother named her after Bette Davis. (Ruth Midler thought the legendary star’s name was pronounced "Bet" so that’s the pronunciation Midler grew up with. Her two older sisters were named after Susan Hayward and Judy Garland.) Ironically the first movie Bette had a small part in was Hawaii (based on the James Michener bestseller) which started shooting on location in April of 1965.

2. She really got her start as a performer in 1966 in New York theatre playing Tzeitel, the oldest daughter, in the smash hit Fiddler on the Roof—a role she stayed with for two years. Later she played clubs, performed in the Who’s rock opera Tommy, and was an instant hit on The Tonight Show. (Johnny Carson became a huge supporter of hers, inviting Bette on frequently.)

3. In 1979, the one-two punch that rocketed her to celebrity as both a recording artist and actress was a her gold-selling album The Divine Miss M (written, arranged, and produced by a young Barry Manilow, which won her a Grammy as Best New Artist in 1973)—combined with her lead role in the movie The Rose about the ill-fated life of Janis Joplin (earning her a Golden Globe as the Best Newcomer to Film and an Oscar nomination).

4. Midler secured her reputation as a comedic actress with Down and Out in Beverly Hills (1985) featuring Nick Nolte and Richard Dreyfuss and Ruthless People (1986) with Danny DeVito. Both earned critical raves and enjoyed a healthy box office. She eagerly returned to dramatic acting in Beaches (1988) co-starring with Barbara Hershey, a film she continues to say was her favorite after The Rose. She has a 38-acre estate on the island of Kuaui in Hawaii. The film Jurassic Park was filmed there. Brash, flamboyant and often outrageous, the salty Miss M remains a talent with huge drawing power to this day.

Goldie Hawn
1. Once called the first major new female star of the 1970s, Goldie Hawn was born in Tacoma Park, Maryland, a suburb of Washington D.C. on November 21, 1945. She is the most famous blonde since Marilynn Monroe. (And yes, it’s her real name, after a great-aunt, Goldie Hochhauser.)

2. In 1967, NBC commissioned a pilot for a comedy-variety show as a vehicle for two nightclub comedians, Dan Rowan and Dick Martin. Although Goldie was not in the initial ensemble cast (which included Arte Johnson, Henry Gibson, Ruth Buzzi, Jo Anne Worley, Pam Austin and Judy Carne) when it aired September 9th, she was hired eight weeks before Laugh-In premiered as a series the following January.

3. Both Laugh-In and Goldie were an instant success. The camera adored her. Her goofy, gamine face projected wide-eyed innocence combined with a sort of hip wisdom. On the show she was a gyrating free spirit with an addictive and spontaneous giggle that seduced the nation. And despite her obvious sexiness she was a gal you could still bring home to mom. America was smitten. Within weeks of its premiere the following January, it was the Number One show in the country and Goldie Hawn was America’s Number One dizzy (but certainly not dumb) blonde.

4. Although tame by today’s standards, the series’ mawkish, sexy, zany sketches were fresh, original, and spontaneous. Soon celebrities like John Wayne, Douglas Fairbanks Jr., Gore Vidal, William Buckley, and Sammy Davis—even presidential candidate Richard Nixon—were appearing in 10-second spots.

5. Goldie’s adorable face has since appeared in dozens of movies. She won an Oscar as Best Supporting Actress for her first film, Cactus Flower (1969), which starred heavyweights Walter Matthau and Ingrid Bergman. The 24-year-old Hawn stole the show. Although she has played dramatic roles in films such as Deceived (1991) and CrissCross (1992), she is best loved as a comedienne. Shampoo (1975), Foul Play (1978), Private Benjamin (1980), HouseSitter (1992) and Death Becomes Her (1992) are just a few of her many successes.