Re:a hidden gift - 09/16/2007 I believe we all have a true talent
Underlying our fronts and disguises,
Whether we choose to accept it
Is our own demise,
Some are blinded by ignorance
And others will take it and fly,
Im unable to awnser why this is
Only knowing its an awsome gift,
Ranging from notes and riff,
To mechanics and rhythm,
Whatever it is stay focused
Don’t turn this into a phycological prison.
By Poetiks
I think antryg gave you some good advice on the grammar errors.
I thought I'd point out some other spots that you may consider slight changes to keep the flow and rhythm going.
This is what I was thinking:
I believe we all have a talent underlying our fronts and guises. Whether we choose to accept it determines our devises. Some blind per ignorance other take it and fly, I can't answer why it is, but choose to answer the cry.
I know this is a gift, ranging from notes and riff. to mechanics and rhythm. Whatever one's focus Don't make it the psyche's prison.
S1L4(I thought you may want to change demise as it usually is used today to refer to death) I'm not sure if this is what your looking for, but it seems to me to flow a bit better. But, that's in my mind. I separated the last five lines into a different stanza because they seem to have a more instructive theme than the beginning.
Hope this helps.
Post edited by: gfralin, at: 09/16/2007
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antryg
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Re:a hidden gift - 08/16/2006This thread has been moved to the Rate, Review, Critique section.
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antryg
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Re:a hidden gift - 08/16/2006poetiks wrote: I believe we all have a true talent Underlying our fronts and disguises, Whether we choose to accept it Is our own demise, Some are blinded by ignorance And others will take it and fly, Im unable to awnser why this is Only knowing its an awsome gift, Ranging from notes and riff, To mechanics and rhythm, Whatever it is stay focused Don’t turn this into a phycological prison.
By Poetiks
This first run through I've only addressed grammatical/spelling changes. It should look like this
I believe we all have a true talent Underlying our fronts and disguises, Whether we choose to accept it Is our own demise, Some are blinded by ignorance And others will take it and fly, I'm unable to awnser why this is Only knowing its an awesome gift, Ranging from notes and riff, To mechanics and rhythm, Whatever it is stay focused Don’t turn this into a psychological prison.
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poetiks
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a hidden gift - 08/16/2006I believe we all have a true talent Underlying our fronts and disguises, Whether we choose to accept it Is our own demise, Some are blinded by ignorance And others will take it and fly, Im unable to awnser why this is Only knowing its an awsome gift, Ranging from notes and riff, To mechanics and rhythm, Whatever it is stay focused Don’t turn this into a phycological prison.
By Poetiks
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