WordTickler
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Re:Article for critique - 06/29/2007
I don't know what the heck is going on here. Double postings keep occuring on me.
Okay, we're getting down to the nitty-gritty, here, so alot of this may sound nit-picky. It's just a good sign that we're nearing the end of the process, that's all.
First off, capitalizing Free Write did wonders for this piece. It is, after all, the central idea. Capitalizing it gave it the importance it should have had, all along.
When doing a Free Write...
This is fine, but at least consider replacing "doing" with something less generic. You're pontificating on a grand idea, here. Consider something like:
When performing a Free Write
When executing a Free Write
When engaging in a Free Write
...things of that nature. Right here, you have the chance to shine in your vocabulary. Go for it.
comes into their mind
Since we're at the stage where we're tightening things up, consider changing this to:
comes to mind
Then, they will go back, read it, and find something
Yep, you're right about the commas. At least right here. How about:
They will then go back, read it, and find something
Is "they wish" really needed. Removing it would be tighter.
Some authors of text books on written communication call it a Focused Free Write.
First, "on written communication" might sound better as "about written communication". We don't really write "on" a topic. We write "about" it.
Next, in the same sentence, the "it" is flailing around (as an editor once told me). "It" could conceivably pertain to "written communication" and still maintain the grammatical correctness of the sentence. Therefore, this is a target for clarity so that no readers are left behind. In essence, be more specific about what "it" is. Consider replacing "it" with:
Free Writing
this form of writing
the technique (my favorite)
you may write in much the same way
First, I believe the "you" might be better as "one". Using "you" is getting a bit close to the reader for the existing timbre of this document. It is bordering on losing its "applies to all" attitude and closely focusing on a single entity. Using "one" in these instances is our out, as writers, for escaping the focus of a single individual, spreading the issues to a large group and still maintaining the singularity of sentence structure (vice shifting to the plural).
At the end of the sentence, "way" might read better as "manner".
You know, when I mentally combine this sentence with the next, it reads better, to me. Consider joining the two.
Also, consider replacing "I" throughout this paragraph with "one". Just try it. Hypothetical situations are usually ideal for the use of "one". It tends to stay away from pointing a finger (at yourself or the reader) and gives the reader a feeling of being part of a larger group--the group targeted in the writing. It gives them "kinship in context", as an editor once told me.
Both forms of free writing are valuable exercises writers use to break out of writers’ block. They may also be used to create new ideas.
Magnificent sentence. I love it.
I don't remember if I mentioned this earlier or not, so bear with my redundancy if I did...
I think this process
Wouldn't it be stronger (and show more conviction) to say:
I believe this process
If you don't believe what you're writing, neither will the reader. To just think shows less conviction, in my opinion.
I’ve been stung when their reply reveals they do not know what I am writing about.
I'm seeing a tense problem here. Consider using:
I’ve been stung when their reply revealed they did not know what I was writing about.
You led off with "I've been", in lieu of "I have been". Using "do" and "am" shifts closer to the present and reads a bit clunky. This is one of the reasons contractions are considered taboo in essays. They tend to hide tense from the scanning eye of the original author.
Once we set down with the Free Write and use it as a starter
"the Free Write" seems uncomfortable for me. I can't pinpoint why, though. Sorry. I guess it's because I'm not sure what you mean by "set down".
It is like pulling our car out of the garage. It may seem safe there, but it is not moving until we turn the key, put it in reverse and give it some gas.
This simile escaped me a bit. I feel that I'm not fully grasping the comparison. Could you use another example or perhaps make this one clearer?
Having others critique our work is a good way to get out of such ruts. Sometimes they can make suggestions that help us turn that key. It is good to get other writers to critique our work.
First, "get other writers to critique our work" might sound better as "have other writers critique our work".
Second, you have three sentences here and in two of them you told us it is good. I feel we only need to be told once. Also, consider merging this paragraph with the next two. They are all about the same idea--critiquing.
If you are stuck on a piece of work
Consider using "someone" or "one" in place of "you", here.
The internet has forums
"Internet" should be capitalized.
The internet has forums that are specifically for writers to share and learn.
Would not "exist" be better than "are" in this sentence?
Use the online forums with caution.
In the spirit of tightening up the final draft, here, consider removing the "the".
Make sure you maintain all control of your posted work.
Consider replacing "all" with "complete". It seems more focused and solid. There's a finality to it.
Revisions and edits help us to have immediate answers to the basic questions
We "acquire" answers from revisions and edits, not "have" them... right?
who, what, when, why, and how
OMG! You left out where. The sentence includes a focus on "setting" but doesn't mention the "where" at all. Any setting is less powerful without a where, isn't it?
He felt the first paragraph of a story should answer most or all of these questions.
This is great. Straight to the point and valid, at that.
Then you may write a marketable piece.
This still cries out for a comma after "Then"... I believe.
WE'RE ALMOST THERE! HOORAY!
-= WordTickler =-
http://wordticklers.com/forums/
Post edited by: WordTickler, at: 06/29/2007
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