antryg
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Help needed with poem - 08/02/2006
I need honest comments about this poem, entitled Danny's Lament. I've rewritten it about 5 times in the past 2 months. Tell me what you like, don't like and/or don't understand. I need some outside perspective to help me.
I’ve stolen the sound of the ocean
from the depths of a sand swept shell
And in it’s place I have hidden
pale echoes of my anguish and pain
Tell nobody, with this do not share
This dubious secret I gift to you
All my trust, heart and soul is there
I sorrow that such a shabby gift
Is all that my strength will bear
What kind of love shares trouble
Tell nobody, with this do not share
Yet you alone do I trust and love
Sharing all the hidden me found within
Pale echoes of anguish and pain
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