ameliajane81
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Re:Help needed with poem - 09/23/2006
Before I provide feedback, I need to make it clear that I am no expert when it comes to poetry and any advice given is based purely on gut instinct.
Firstly, I really liked the poem. Very evocative. It had a beautiful flow to it and conjoured imagery with ease. I could actually hear the sea in it.
I think I know what you're talking about with the difference between the two stanzas. The alliteration in the second line of the first stanza helps it flow, and the s s s adds to the "sound" of the sea. I think if you could put a similar alliteration in the second stanza, it would help it flow and tie the two together (eg/ change "Is all that my strength will bear" to "Is all that my strength shall sustain" or something along those lines - no pun intended).
Like I said, I'm no expert on poetry and have never really written anything myself so am unaware of the intricacies involved. This may be an overly simplistic solution!
Post edited by: ameliajane81, at: 09/23/2006
Post edited by: ameliajane81, at: 09/23/2006
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