Re:Article for critique - 06/29/2007I don't know what the heck is going on here. Double postings keep occuring on me.
Okay, we're getting down to the nitty-gritty, here, so alot of this may sound nit-picky. It's just a good sign that we're nearing the end of the process, that's all.
First off, capitalizing Free Write did wonders for this piece. It is, after all, the central idea. Capitalizing it gave it the importance it should have had, all along.
When doing a Free Write...
This is fine, but at least consider replacing "doing" with something less generic. You're pontificating on a grand idea, here. Consider something like:
When performing a Free Write When executing a Free Write When engaging in a Free Write
...things of that nature. Right here, you have the chance to shine in your vocabulary. Go for it.
comes into their mind
Since we're at the stage where we're tightening things up, consider changing this to:
comes to mind
Then, they will go back, read it, and find something
Yep, you're right about the commas. At least right here. How about:
They will then go back, read it, and find something
Is "they wish" really needed. Removing it would be tighter.
Some authors of text books on written communication call it a Focused Free Write.
First, "on written communication" might sound better as "about written communication". We don't really write "on" a topic. We write "about" it.
Next, in the same sentence, the "it" is flailing around (as an editor once told me). "It" could conceivably pertain to "written communication" and still maintain the grammatical correctness of the sentence. Therefore, this is a target for clarity so that no readers are left behind. In essence, be more specific about what "it" is. Consider replacing "it" with:
Free Writing this form of writing the technique (my favorite)
you may write in much the same way
First, I believe the "you" might be better as "one". Using "you" is getting a bit close to the reader for the existing timbre of this document. It is bordering on losing its "applies to all" attitude and closely focusing on a single entity. Using "one" in these instances is our out, as writers, for escaping the focus of a single individual, spreading the issues to a large group and still maintaining the singularity of sentence structure (vice shifting to the plural).
At the end of the sentence, "way" might read better as "manner".
You know, when I mentally combine this sentence with the next, it reads better, to me. Consider joining the two.
Also, consider replacing "I" throughout this paragraph with "one". Just try it. Hypothetical situations are usually ideal for the use of "one". It tends to stay away from pointing a finger (at yourself or the reader) and gives the reader a feeling of being part of a larger group--the group targeted in the writing. It gives them "kinship in context", as an editor once told me.
Both forms of free writing are valuable exercises writers use to break out of writers’ block. They may also be used to create new ideas.
Magnificent sentence. I love it.
I don't remember if I mentioned this earlier or not, so bear with my redundancy if I did...
I think this process
Wouldn't it be stronger (and show more conviction) to say:
I believe this process
If you don't believe what you're writing, neither will the reader. To just think shows less conviction, in my opinion.
I’ve been stung when their reply reveals they do not know what I am writing about.
I'm seeing a tense problem here. Consider using:
I’ve been stung when their reply revealed they did not know what I was writing about.
You led off with "I've been", in lieu of "I have been". Using "do" and "am" shifts closer to the present and reads a bit clunky. This is one of the reasons contractions are considered taboo in essays. They tend to hide tense from the scanning eye of the original author.
Once we set down with the Free Write and use it as a starter
"the Free Write" seems uncomfortable for me. I can't pinpoint why, though. Sorry. I guess it's because I'm not sure what you mean by "set down".
It is like pulling our car out of the garage. It may seem safe there, but it is not moving until we turn the key, put it in reverse and give it some gas.
This simile escaped me a bit. I feel that I'm not fully grasping the comparison. Could you use another example or perhaps make this one clearer?
Having others critique our work is a good way to get out of such ruts. Sometimes they can make suggestions that help us turn that key. It is good to get other writers to critique our work.
First, "get other writers to critique our work" might sound better as "have other writers critique our work".
Second, you have three sentences here and in two of them you told us it is good. I feel we only need to be told once. Also, consider merging this paragraph with the next two. They are all about the same idea--critiquing.
If you are stuck on a piece of work
Consider using "someone" or "one" in place of "you", here.
The internet has forums
"Internet" should be capitalized.
The internet has forums that are specifically for writers to share and learn.
Would not "exist" be better than "are" in this sentence?
Use the online forums with caution.
In the spirit of tightening up the final draft, here, consider removing the "the".
Make sure you maintain all control of your posted work.
Consider replacing "all" with "complete". It seems more focused and solid. There's a finality to it.
Revisions and edits help us to have immediate answers to the basic questions
We "acquire" answers from revisions and edits, not "have" them... right?
who, what, when, why, and how
OMG! You left out where. The sentence includes a focus on "setting" but doesn't mention the "where" at all. Any setting is less powerful without a where, isn't it?
He felt the first paragraph of a story should answer most or all of these questions.
This is great. Straight to the point and valid, at that.
Then you may write a marketable piece.
This still cries out for a comma after "Then"... I believe.
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WordTickler
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Re:Article for critique - 06/29/2007Found out what it was (the double postings). My authentication cookie was not yet submitted to the board and a dialog box popped up interrupting the saving process saying "I must login" (although I was already logged in). That's where the double post came from.
Post edited by: WordTickler, at: 06/29/2007
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WordTickler
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Re:Article for critique - 06/29/2007Okay, we're getting down to the nitty-gritty, here, so alot of this may sound nit-picky. It's just a good sign that we're nearing the end of the process, that's all.
First off, capitalizing Free Write did wonders for this piece. It is, after all, the central idea. Capitalizing it gave it the importance it should have had, all along.
When doing a Free Write...
This is fine, but at least consider replacing "doing" with something less generic. You're pontificating on a grand idea, here. Consider something like:
When performing a Free Write When executing a Free Write When engaging in a Free Write
...things of that nature. Right here, you have the chance to shine in your vocabulary. Go for it.
comes into their mind
Since we're at the stage where we're tightening things up, consider changing this to:
comes to mind
Then, they will go back, read it, and find something
Yep, you're right about the commas. At least right here. How about:
They will then go back, read it, and find something
Is "they wish" really needed. Removing it would be tighter.
Some authors of text books on written communication call it a Focused Free Write.
First, "on written communication" might sound better as "about written communication". We don't really write "on" a topic. We write "about" it.
Next, in the same sentence, the "it" is flailing around (as an editor once told me). "It" could conceivably pertain to "written communication" and still maintain the grammatical correctness of the sentence. Therefore, this is a target for clarity so that no readers are left behind. In essence, be more specific about what "it" is. Consider replacing "it" with:
Free Writing this form of writing the technique (my favorite)
you may write in much the same way
First, I believe the "you" might be better as "one". Using "you" is getting a bit close to the reader for the existing timbre of this document. It is bordering on losing its "applies to all" attitude and closely focusing on a single entity. Using "one" in these instances is our out, as writers, for escaping the focus of a single individual, spreading the issues to a large group and still maintaining the singularity of sentence structure (vice shifting to the plural).
At the end of the sentence, "way" might read better as "manner".
You know, when I mentally combine this sentence with the next, it reads better, to me. Consider joining the two.
Also, consider replacing "I" throughout this paragraph with "one". Just try it. Hypothetical situations are usually ideal for the use of "one". It tends to stay away from pointing a finger (at yourself or the reader) and gives the reader a feeling of being part of a larger group--the group targeted in the writing. It gives them "kinship in context", as an editor once told me.
Both forms of free writing are valuable exercises writers use to break out of writers’ block. They may also be used to create new ideas.
Magnificent sentence. I love it.
I don't remember if I mentioned this earlier or not, so bear with my redundancy if I did...
I think this process
Wouldn't it be stronger (and show more conviction) to say:
I believe this process
If you don't believe what you're writing, neither will the reader. To just think shows less conviction, in my opinion.
I’ve been stung when their reply reveals they do not know what I am writing about.
I'm seeing a tense problem here. Consider using:
I’ve been stung when their reply revealed they did not know what I was writing about.
You led off with "I've been", in lieu of "I have been". Using "do" and "am" shifts closer to the present and reads a bit clunky. This is one of the reasons contractions are considered taboo in essays. They tend to hide tense from the scanning eye of the original author.
Once we set down with the Free Write and use it as a starter
"the Free Write" seems uncomfortable for me. I can't pinpoint why, though. Sorry. I guess it's because I'm not sure what you mean by "set down".
It is like pulling our car out of the garage. It may seem safe there, but it is not moving until we turn the key, put it in reverse and give it some gas.
This simile escaped me a bit. I feel that I'm not fully grasping the comparison. Could you use another example or perhaps make this one clearer?
Having others critique our work is a good way to get out of such ruts. Sometimes they can make suggestions that help us turn that key. It is good to get other writers to critique our work.
First, "get other writers to critique our work" might sound better as "have other writers critique our work".
Second, you have three sentences here and in two of them you told us it is good. I feel we only need to be told once. Also, consider merging this paragraph with the next two. They are all about the same idea--critiquing.
If you are stuck on a piece of work
Consider using "someone" or "one" in place of "you", here.
The internet has forums
"Internet" should be capitalized.
The internet has forums that are specifically for writers to share and learn.
Would not "exist" be better than "are" in this sentence?
Use the online forums with caution.
In the spirit of tightening up the final draft, here, consider removing the "the".
Make sure you maintain all control of your posted work.
Consider replacing "all" with "complete". It seems more focused and solid. There's a finality to it.
Revisions and edits help us to have immediate answers to the basic questions
We "acquire" answers from revisions and edits, not "have" them... right?
who, what, when, why, and how
OMG! You left out where. The sentence includes a focus on "setting" but doesn't mention the "where" at all. Any setting is less powerful without a where, isn't it?
He felt the first paragraph of a story should answer most or all of these questions.
This is great. Straight to the point and valid, at that.
Then you may write a marketable piece.
This still cries out for a comma after "Then"... I believe.
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gfralin
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Re:Article for critique - 06/29/2007An All New Edited Version UUUV:
Do Not Fall in Love with Your Free Write
A Free Write is a form of free association. When doing a Free Write, some writers simply avoid thinking about a topic at all. They like to start writing anything that comes into their mind during the process without any particular direction. Then, they will go back, read it, and find something in it they wish to focus on for a poem, story, or article.
Another style of Free Writing is not quite so free. Some authors of text books on written communication call it a Focused Free Write. In a Focused Free Write, you may write in much the same way. But, be totally focused on one topic. For instance, if I wanted to write something about my mother for Mother’s Day, I may use the topic of mother or motherhood and write anything that comes to mind. Then, I will go back, read it, and decide what part I want to use.
Both forms of free writing are valuable exercises writers use to break out of writers’ block. They may also be used to create new ideas.
Choosing a topic and making a Free Write is one of my favorite tools. I think this process is important to the way I write. One thing we must be careful of is to avoid seeing our Free Write as a finished product. Some Free Writes seem to be a complete story if we are focused enough to move smoothly from one part to another. It is easier for us to see on paper exactly where we are going. However, sometimes when I ask someone else to critique my work, I’ve been stung when their reply reveals they do not know what I am writing about.
We feel it is complete because it is clear to us. We do not realize we are asking others to read our minds. Once we set down with the Free Write and use it as a starter, we make much better progress. It is like pulling our car out of the garage. It may seem safe there, but it is not moving until we turn the key, put it in reverse and give it some gas.
Having others critique our work is a good way to get out of such ruts. Sometimes they can make suggestions that help us turn that key. It is good to get other writers to critique our work.
Critiques are a resource not a rejection. Writers are not as competitive as some may think. We like to help each other grow. If you are stuck on a piece of work and need to get out of that garage, let others give suggestions.
Places to find good critiques from other writers are local writers’ groups. The internet has forums that are specifically for writers to share and learn. Use the online forums with caution. Make sure you maintain all control of your posted work.
Revisions and edits help us to have immediate answers to the basic questions of who, what, when, why, and how of the setting and main character. This wonderful advice came to me from a journalist friend who critiqued a short story I was writing at the time. He felt the first paragraph of a story should answer most or all of these questions.
Free Writes are a wonderful tool. I recommend them. They can generate more than one work. But, they cannot be a finished product. Evaluate your work as if you were a critic and allow other critics to do the same. Then you may write a marketable piece.
Post edited by: gfralin, at: 06/29/2007
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gfralin
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Re:Article for critique - 06/29/2007No problem, glad for the help. I could not find any sentences about making an outline. That wasn't the focus of the aritcle, but I could have used it some where. Maybe I had edited it out during my our editing process.
I did as you suggested with capitalizing Free Write throughout the paper. I,m not real sure about that one, but I don't think it hurts anything and it may mean a lot more than I think.
You made me work for it, slave driver. LOL
Took my mind off other frustrations though(a purpose for everything). Of course the main purpose here was to improve the article. But you are a slave driver.
Keep you whip handy, I'll likely need it again on other projects. Glenda
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WordTickler
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Re:Article for critique - 06/29/2007You're welcome. I'm glad some of my suggestions found a place in your editing process. One would be enough to make it worth the effort to me.
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gfralin
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Re:Article for critique - 06/29/2007Thanks Word Tickler. I've almost completed these edits. Your specifics have reminded me of some of the rules of Technical Writing I learned in college. Written communication is a subject I've generally been somewhat proficient in, with the exception of remembering rules of punctuation, but I got lazy here and didn't even realize it. I'm glad for this though, because it shows exactly what my article is communicating.
I've often been advised not to overuse puntuation such as comma's. Therefore, I have employed several of your suggestions while other's I have chosen to break up the sentence. Hopefully this also gives a variation in sentence length and structure.
I will finish this after a bit and repost it here, but I believe it is close to being ready for copy. One last proof read never hurts, so I will go through it and if you would do the same, or whomever wishes to do that, I will be grateful. '
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WordTickler
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Re:Article for critique - 06/28/2007It is so easy for us to see on the paper exactly where we are going...
This is a stretch, but consider:
It is so easy for us to see, on paper, exactly where we are going...
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WordTickler
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Re:Article for critique - 06/28/2007Hey, consider capitalizing "free write" throughout this piece. You have given us the requisite importance and it keeps the terminology clearly separated from adjacent words.
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gfralin
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Re:Article for critique - 06/28/2007Akay, now your making me really work for it. LOL, no problem. Keep shooting, and eventually I'll plug all those holes. Weird metaphor I know, but in a way it makes sense.
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gfralin
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Re:Article for critique - 06/28/2007Thank you for the great breakdown in your critique of my article. I have had a problem with punctuation for quite so time. Though the rules you are stating here are not really new ones, in some cases the accepted forms keep changing.
I see your point about the passive nature of some sentences. I tend to try to be a little overly general sometimes. If I didn't ask other writers for these critiques (caught myself on another passive reference), I would not be learning the things I do. And, I'll admit it sometimes takes several times of making the same mistake before it finally sinks in. Don't some teachers now go by the opinions "what is learned first is learned best"? I believe that to be true, but I also believe in learning from mistakes. So never feel that you need to hold back on critiquing my work. Just don't get personal with it. LOL
Don't worry, never thought you would get personal.
Sometimes I try too hard and in the process make a bit of a mess, that's another reason why I welcome critiques.
Finally, but not all inclusive, I am wordy and I do try to work on it, but I seldom seem to trim quite enough. LOL
Glenda
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