| | The administrator has disabled public write access.
WordTickler
User Expert Boarder
Posts: 24
Karma: 0
Re:Article for critique - 06/28/2007I wonder why it repeated my post? I only hit the submit button once. Oh, well.
Post edited by: WordTickler, at: 06/28/2007
Post edited by: WordTickler, at: 06/28/2007
| | The administrator has disabled public write access.
WordTickler
User Expert Boarder
Posts: 24
Karma: 0
Re:Article for critique - 06/28/2007gfralin wrote: Then they will go back and read it and find something...
It seems to read tighter if you were to say:
Then, they will go back, read it, and find something...
It is called a focused free write.
People tend to cry foul at a passive sentence without elaborating as to why passiveness might not be appropriate. This tends to frustrate writers to--no end. I'm going to try to elaborate a bit, here.
Passiveness often robs us of information. This is one reason it is regularly frowned upon. However, there are times when a writer is purposely hiding information to avoid hitting the reader over the head with something or to draw out a plot line. This doesn't seem like one of those times.
In fact, I'm thinking I'd like to know who calls it "free write" rather than be kept in the dark. Passiveness doesn't seem to help here so I'd opt for more information by removing the passiveness. Maybe "John calls it free write", or "society calls it free write" or even "scholars call it free write"--whatever the case may be.
In a focused free write you may write...
Wouldn't a comma between "write" and "you" be appropriate here?
Then, I will go back and read it and decide...
My first suggestion applies here, as well.
These are both valid and valuable exercises that writers use to gain ideas and break out of writer’s block.
This sentence seems a bit wordy to me. Is there no way to break it up into its constituent parts for better readability? Perhaps removing the "that" reads better.
Also, I believe it would be more appropriate to refer to it as "writers' block" since you are not talking about the block occurring in a single writer. Plural possessive seems to be the true situation. It affects many. Just my take.
when the reply comes asking...
Not to be too nit-picky but, replies don't come asking. People do. Could you change this to be more accurate, in that sense?
We see it clearly because it is clear to us and us only.
I see a couple of things, here. First, I believe there should be a comma after "clearly". Before you do that, consider this: you have "clear" twice in this sentence, albeit in two different forms of the word. Consider finding another word for either "clearly" or "clear" to remove the repetition from the sentence.
Also, I would strongly consider changing the trailing "us and us only" to "us alone". Some would say "us, alone" would be even better.
Overall:
Have you considered not using contractions like "don't" and "it's"? This slips your prose into more informal character. If you decide to use contractions, check your work to ensure that you are at least consistent in their use--you know, avoid using "do not" over here and "don't" over there. Pick one. I didn't check. Sorry. Just an observation.
This is a powerful bit of writing. I've learned from simply critiquing it. Thank you for that.
| | The administrator has disabled public write access.
WordTickler
User Expert Boarder
Posts: 24
Karma: 0
Re:Article for critique - 06/28/2007gfralin wrote: Then they will go back and read it and find something...
It seems to read tighter if you were to say:
Then, they will go back, read it, and find something...
It is called a focused free write.
People tend to cry foul at a passive sentence without elaborating as to why passiveness might not be appropriate. This tends to frustrate writers to--no end. I'm going to try to elaborate a bit, here.
Passiveness often robs us of information. This is one reason it is regularly frowned upon. However, there are times when a writer is purposely hiding information to avoid hitting the reader over the head with something or to draw out a plot line. This doesn't seem like one of those times.
In fact, I'm thinking I'd like to know who calls it "free write" rather than be kept in the dark. Passiveness doesn't seem to help here so I'd opt for more information by removing the passiveness. Maybe "John calls it free write", or "society calls it free write" or even "scholars call it free write"--whatever the case may be.
In a focused free write you may write...
Wouldn't a comma between "write" and "you" be appropriate here?
Then, I will go back and read it and decide...
My first suggestion applies here, as well.
These are both valid and valuable exercises that writers use to gain ideas and break out of writer’s block.
This sentence seems a bit wordy to me. Is there no way to break it up into its constituent parts for better readability? Perhaps removing the "that" reads better.
Also, I believe it would be more appropriate to refer to it as "writers' block" since you are not talking about the block occurring in a single writer. Plural possessive seems to be the true situation. It affects many. Just my take.
when the reply comes asking...
Not to be too nit-picky but, replies don't come asking. People do. Could you change this to be more accurate, in that sense?
We see it clearly because it is clear to us and us only.
I see a couple of things, here. First, I believe there should be a comma after "clearly". Before you do that, consider this: you have "clear" twice in this sentence, albeit in two different forms of the word. Consider finding another word for either "clearly" or "clear" to remove the repetition from the sentence.
Also, I would strongly consider changing the trailing "us and us only" to "us alone". Some would say "us, alone" would be even better.
Overall:
Have you considered not using contractions like "don't" and "it's"? This slips your prose into more informal character. If you decide to use contractions, check your work to ensure that you are at least consistent in their use--you know, avoid using "do not" over here and "don't" over there. Pick one. I didn't check. Sorry. Just an observation.
This is a powerful bit of writing. I've learned from simply critiquing it. Thank you for that.
| | The administrator has disabled public write access.
gfralin
User Platinum Boarder
Posts: 57
Karma: 1
Re:Article for critique - 06/05/2007I've posted this here for some help on the puntuation and making sure its ready for copy before submitting. Thanks for the comments.
Falcon, I hope that I've explained free writing so that its understandable. But, I don't want to over explain either. Should it be more succinct? For the sake of new writers as you noted, there is more than one way to do a free write.
Don’t Fall in Love with Your Free Write
A free write is a form of free association. When doing a free write, some writers will simply not think at all about a topic. They like to start writing anything that comes into their mind during the process without any particular direction. Then they will go back and read it and find something in it that they wish to focus on for a poem, story, or article.
Another style of free writing is not quite so free. It is called a focused free write. In a focused free write you may write in much the same way, but be totally focused on one topic. For instance, if I wanted to write something about my mother for Mother’s Day, I may use the topic of mother or motherhood and simply write anything that comes to mind. Then, I will go back and read it and decide what part I want to use for whatever type of piece I want to write.
These are both valid and valuable exercises that writers use to gain ideas and break out of writer’s block.
Choosing a topic and making a free write is one of my favorite tools. I think that this process is important to the way I write. One thing that we must be careful of as writers is not to fall in love with our free write.
Some free writes seem to be a complete story if we are focused enough to move smoothly from one part to another. It is so easy for us to see on the paper exactly where we are going and what we mean. However, sometimes when I ask someone else to critique my work, I’ve been stung when the reply comes asking what it’s all about.
We see it clearly because it is clear to us and us only. We don’t realize we are asking others to read our minds. Once we set down with the free write and use it as a starter, we make much better progress. It’s like pulling our car out of the garage. It may seem safe there, but it’s not moving until we turn the key, put it in reverse and give it some gas.
Having others critique our work is a good way to get out of such ruts. Sometimes they can make suggestions that help us turn that key. It is good to get other writers to critique our work.
Critiques are a resource not a rejection. Writers are not as competitive as some may think. We like to help each other grow. If you are stuck on a piece of work and need to get out of that garage, let others give suggestions.
Good places to find good critiques from other writers are local writers groups. The internet has forums that are specifically for writers to share and learn. Use the online forums with caution. Make sure you maintain all control of your posted work.
Revisions and edits help us to have immediate answers to the basic questions of who, what, when, why, and how of the setting and main character. This wonderful advice came to me from a journalist friend who critiqued a short story I was writing at the time. He felt that the first paragraph of a story should answer most or all of these questions.
Free writes are a wonderful tool. I recommend them. They can generate more than one work. But, they cannot be a finished product. Evaluate your work as if you were a critic and allow other critics to do the same. Then you may write a marketable piece.
| | The administrator has disabled public write access.
apostrophe
User Expert Boarder
Posts: 22
Karma: 0
Re:Article for critique - 05/31/2007You make many good points, and I like how open you are about your thoughts in the process.
In the spirit of the exact sort of honesty you've just written about, I'll say that it does need some editing -- tightening, as Falcon says, in terms of redundancy -- and also a bit of the grammarian's red proofreading pen, mainly with comma usage.
Thank you for writing it and sharing thus far.. I'll look for the finished version whenever that gets put online.
| | The administrator has disabled public write access.
gfralin
User Platinum Boarder
Posts: 57
Karma: 1
Re:Article for critique - 05/31/2007Thanks Falcon, I will work on that right away. Hopefully I should have it to submit in a couple days. You may wish to delete the one I put in submit. It is identical to this one.
| | The administrator has disabled public write access.
FalconDance
Admin Admin
Posts: 166
Karma: 2
Re:Article for critique - 05/30/2007Let's tighten this up a bit and move it to "submit", ok?
| | The administrator has disabled public write access.
gfralin
User Platinum Boarder
Posts: 57
Karma: 1
Article for critique - 05/22/2007This is an article I wrote for the possibility of posting on Write Spot. I'm not sure if it should go under fiction, non-fiction, or other. I think any would apply. I need somebody to look it over and see that it works and is worthy of this publication. Please be honest and let me know what changes need to be made.
Don’t Fall in Love With Your Free Write
I love to choose a topic and make a makeshift outline, then run with a free write. I think that this process is important to the way I write. One thing that we must be careful of as writers is to not fall in love with our free write.
It is sometimes easy for us to be so focused on the free write that we will simply try to proofread it and think it is finished. Some free writes seem to be a complete story if we are focused enough to move it fairly smoothly from one part of the story to another.
It is so easy for us to see on the paper exactly where we are going and what we mean. I have fallen into this pit myself. When I ask someone else to critique it, I have occasionally been stung when the reply comes asking what it’s all about. I see it so clearly, why can’t the reader? We feel others should be able to read between the lines.
We see it clearly because it is clear to us and us only. Until we set down with the free write and use it as a jump off point instead of the finished product we stay in that same frame of mind.
It is good to get other writers to critique our work. It is also good to get general readers to read it and watch their reactions. Family members are great, but make sure they understand you want honesty. Otherwise they may be afraid to hurt your feelings or cause an argument.
Once we get another’s vision of what we have written we have a new tool to work with. Be grateful for that tool. That is when we can break down what we have written and decide what is a part of the story, or article and what is not.
For a story we need to have immediate answers for the reader at the onset of who, what, when, why, and how of the setting and main character. This wonderful advice came to me from a journalist friend who critiqued a short story I was writing at the time. He felt that the first paragraph of a story should answer most or all of these questions.
We do not have to bow to everyone else opinions. That would be impossibly confusing. But, we can find one or two willing critics who wish to be honest with us and help us grow as writers. Writers are not as competitive with each other as some may think. We like to help each other grow.
Local writers groups are good for this. If you don’t have access to one, the internet forums are a good place to start, but with caution. Don’t reveal the entire work on an open internet forum. If you do, make sure it is one where you have complete control of the work and may remove it. Open forums are full of readerships and publishers may shy away from works they considered already published on a forum.
Free writes are a wonderful tool. I recommend them. They can be the jump off point for more than one work. But, they cannot be a finished product. Evaluate your work as if you were a critic and allow other critics to do the same. Then you may write a marketable piece.
| | The administrator has disabled public write access.
Forum 
